Manners

The Den Mother would be shirking her responsibilities if she were never to comment on the sorry state of manners in our society today, especially among teenagers and young adults whose jobs require them to interact with the public. So here goes, a partial list of my pet peeves of rudeness. I hope the kids are listening.

• "Hey." — This is not a greeting. Don't use it with customers or with anyone who has never seen you before you have shaved or applied your make-up. "Hello," "Good morning (afternoon, evening)" or even "Hi" work well, so use them. And please don't even think the ubiquitous "How ya doin'?" in my presence.
• "No problem" — There is no more inappropriate response to "Thank you," especially in the workplace. If you are a clerk, a waitress, or a telephone receptionist, for example, it is presumed that it will not be a problem for you to do your job and assist me. As a customer, I am extending you a courtesy by thanking you for doing what you're already getting paid to do. You should reciprocate with something better than a glib brush-off. The correct response is "You're welcome."
• "You guys" or "Y'all" — I hear this from restaurant staff with alarming frequency. It suggests not only a familiarity but a degree of equality with customers that does not exist. A person working in a service profession is at the service of the customer and should act accordingly. "You" is a plural pronoun in the English language and should require no clarification when clearly addressing a group. With a single-sex group, "Ladies" or "Gentlemen" is appropriate, even outside a formal setting. It might even elicit a humorous or self-deprecating response, such as, "Gentlemen? There are gentlemen here?"
  
  Incidentally, I have no problem with "y'all" in a casual setting among friends. I use it on occasion myself, which almost always confuses those around me because I have never lived in the south. But I digress. "You guys" drives me up the ever-loving wall in any situation because I have never been a guy and don't plan on becoming one any time soon. "All of you" is much better (or, for my southern readers, "All of y'all," though that strikes me as a bit redundant).
• Vocal non-responsiveness — Common among highway toll-takers and cash register clerks, this is the height of rudeness. When I approach a toll booth or a check-out counter and greet the person on the other side, I expect a simple "Hello" in return as an acknoweldgement of my presence. I do not want to have to ask, "How much?" because the clerk doesn't feel like telling me what I owe. And as I drive/walk away, it would be nice to hear "Thank you" or even (gasp) "Have a nice day."
• Telephone or co-worker conversations — If I am a paying customer at your place of employment, I deserve your undivided attention while you are assisting me. You reflect poorly on your employer by appearing to be more concerned with socializing than doing whatever it is they pay you to do. Besides, I don't want to hear about what your boyfriend gave you for your 4 1/2 month anniversary or how your college applications are coming along. So either get the hell of the phone or temporarily suspend your discussion with the employee standing next to you until you and I are finished.
  
  The non-workplace version of this is the personal cell phone call. Answer the phone if you must, then offer to call the party back. If you'd rather talk to him or her than spend time with me, I'm outta here.
• Gum-chewing — It isn't that I don't appreciate a good piece of gum. My personal favorite is Wrigley's Eclipse, spearmint flavor. Every so often I even regress to childhood and chomp on a wad of pink bubble gum. Precisely because I am a gum-chewer, I know how difficult it is to speak clearly with a cheekful. Besides, it's noisy and makes you look like a ho or whatever the male equivalent of a ho is. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can quickly spit it into the trash before I see you, either. Once you can see me, it stands to reason that I can also see you. So unless we're old friends hanging out, ditch the gum.
• Weak handshake or bone-crusher — Should it be necessary for us to shake hands, it would be nice if it were a pleasant experience for me. Nothing is more insulting than a half-hearted handshake, so if I'm the only one holding our hands together or preventing your arm from falling to your side, you should try a little harder. If, on the other hand, it feels as if you fear slipping overboard into the raging waters and my hand is your only lifeline, you need to ease up just a bit. It isn't nice to break a someone's fingers.
• Expressions of boredom — This seems to be an affliction endemic among part-time retail salespeole, and God, it annoys me. Why should I patronize a business whose service employees look like they not only don't want to be there, but they also don't want to do anything while the are? So please, don't slouch, lean against the wall or desk as if you'd fall if it weren't there, file your nails, or read a magazine. And for the love of Pete, smile.
• Faux friendship — I can assure you that I will not buy more clothes, more expensive jewelry, or a bigger car if you act as if we go way back. Such behavior creeps me out and makes me want to run, not walk, out of your establishment. I would also appreciate it if you would tone down the praise. "That is PERFECT on you!" delivered with the vocal consistency of corn syrup, makes me think you're lying.

I am painfully aware that use of these mannerisms and expressions is not confined to the under-25 population. Chances are their parents haven't taught them to behave otherwise, and those same parents have probably let their own manners lapse. I consider it an indication of the general lack of consideration about one's fellow man or woman that now pervades society.